Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
