No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
