Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize