Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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