Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
