normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
