Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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