apparently the secret to your success is patron
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize