I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
