I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
