i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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