Michael Bay diarrhea
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
