I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
