you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This toilet bowl is my home.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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