Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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