i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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