So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
