My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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