i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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