I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
