he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
