My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
