Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
