My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
