My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
