I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
