I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
