I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
