Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
