Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
