But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
