Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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