never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
