The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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