break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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