Define "chronic" masturbator.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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