Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
