dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
