Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
