is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
