After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
