Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god it's open bar.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
