Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
