I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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