I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
