One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your tits are I can't wait for
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
