I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
