tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
