ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
