Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
