Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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