am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
