sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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