Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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