Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
