She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
