She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont even know how to be here
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
