I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?