Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that