i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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