Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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(812): View more from Indiana

No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...

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(425): View more from Washington

She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.

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(585): View more from New York

that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(240): View more from Maryland

Apparently you can coat check a keg.

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(512): View more from Texas

I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.

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