I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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