He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize