my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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