I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
