It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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