please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
