that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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