you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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