i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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